Is that me typing on this keyboard? Why yes it is! I'm overdue for a blog. I know it's been a while. I kept thinking I needed to write a message talking about how it felt to be back, but I just couldn't seem to take time to sit down and write...when I'd rather be clowning with my husband. We have been having a good time enjoying each other's presence after being away from each other 5 days short of 7 months. 7 months is a long time to be away from your home and the one you love. I know it now.
In the last month that I was in Afghanistan, I would wake up and think about how I would feel when I saw my husband on the flight line. Every day that thought would make me smile...and sometimes tear up. I can't even describe how it felt to get off the plane in NC and begin my journey across the flight line. I couldn't walk fast enough. I don't remember anybody I shook hands with. I was on a mission to get to love. I had been away from the people who truly cared about me for so long that I couldn't wait to get in the presence of a person who really understood me. I just remember walking past so many people. I remember thinking as I was walking that I had never made this walk alone. My husband was always with me before. I never had this sense of urgency that I had at that moment. We usually got off the plane together and joked about hugging each other and making a big scene, so we wouldn't be left out when the other Airman got to their families. Now I was one of them. It was dark, so I couldn't see faces. When I saw a figure shift, there was no mistaking who it was. I didn't see anyone else. I tried to keep my composure, so I refrained from running. My composure left as soon as I was in his arms. It was like I forgot all about Afghanistan in that moment as my happy tears flowed.
These last few weeks I spent at home were pretty much wonderful. The first time I was home by myself, I was a bit creeped out because I hadn't been by myself in so long. Other than that, it's been amazing to be home. And then the time came for me to go TDY. So here I am in Cali in the beautiful sun, and all I can think is it's like Afghanistan again. I know it's not Afghanistan, but it's like the same feelings. I'm away from home. I'm away from my husband, and I want to go home. I want to go HOME! I want to shower with no shower shoes. I want to walk around my clean house. I want to joke around with my husband, and I want to sleep in my own bed! In due time. I do plan to enjoy my time here in Cali, but in my heart I am a little sad. I wish I could've brought home here....and by home I mean Lou.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
7 Years to learn, 13 years to get better!
So I just came up on 7 years in the military, and boy how the time flies. I find myself lecturing young airman on opening a Roth IRA along with the Thrift Savings plan as soon as they come in. I'm nagging airman about getting their education because time gets away from you. I know from experience. My dad always told me growing up that you want your children to better than you were. I feel the same way with the airman coming up around me. I want to make sure everyone that comes up after me doesn't have to learn the same lessons I did the hard way.
With that being said, the most important thing I have learned in these 7 years is that you have to take care of yourself. If you spend time depending on someone else to look out for you, it just may never happen. I was fortunate to have a really good supervisor when I first came in. I was blessed to be able to work with her for 3 years. Every since then, I feel like I have been left out in the cold to take care of myself. In the last three years, I have experienced many disappointments when it comes to leadership, but I have recently made the decision to take my career into my own hands literally.
I plan to stay in the military for 13 more years, and I refuse let anyone get in the way of the things I know that I am capable of achieving. I will also make sure that I am the leader that I expect out of my leadership. I will look out for my troops, and I'll step up to get the job done. Things have changed a lot in the 7 years I have been in. With more rank, I am able to change more things. Time to study up! Frankly, I'm tired of a lot of bs, and I'm ready to start changing things around me.
With that being said, the most important thing I have learned in these 7 years is that you have to take care of yourself. If you spend time depending on someone else to look out for you, it just may never happen. I was fortunate to have a really good supervisor when I first came in. I was blessed to be able to work with her for 3 years. Every since then, I feel like I have been left out in the cold to take care of myself. In the last three years, I have experienced many disappointments when it comes to leadership, but I have recently made the decision to take my career into my own hands literally.
I plan to stay in the military for 13 more years, and I refuse let anyone get in the way of the things I know that I am capable of achieving. I will also make sure that I am the leader that I expect out of my leadership. I will look out for my troops, and I'll step up to get the job done. Things have changed a lot in the 7 years I have been in. With more rank, I am able to change more things. Time to study up! Frankly, I'm tired of a lot of bs, and I'm ready to start changing things around me.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Just like a cool drink on a hot summer day...
I need to get in the shoe business. When I figure out exactly where I want to be involved, I'm going to do it!! I love a pretty shoe.
These right here....I love patterned shoes. I don't even really like flowers, but I love them on shoes. The back of the shoe is what really got me. I love it.I also love a shoe that has a heel/bottom that stands out. This plain shoe caught my attention by the detail on the heel.
Yummy!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A Sequel
So I'm a Tracy Brown fan. Whenever her books come out, I usually have them on pre-order. I want her books the first day they are available. LOL. I just finished The Aftermath: A Snapped Novel about twenty minutes ago, and I must say I feel some kind of way about it. The very first novel I read by Tracy Brown was White Lines. I have read that book at least four times. I remember reading the first time I was deployed in 2007. I received the book in the mail, and all I could think is "This book is 500 pages." Well inside of three days, I finished those 500 pages and I wanted more. After that, I read all of her books. Dime Piece, Black, Criminal Minded, and Twisted. I'm still working on reading her short story Flirt..but you get my drift. White Lines left such an impression that I wanted to read all of her books. So here I am at her latest two books...Snapped and the sequel The Aftermath. I must say that I am not all that impressed anymore. Truthfully, I could probably throw Trapped in the same category as her latest two books. I think she has excellent stories, but I just feel like there could be so much more. She has yet to match a book on the level as White Lines. I would say that Black and Criminal Minded are as close as you will ever get to the great story of White Lines. Every time I read one of her books, I'm longing for that feeling of wanting more and more of the story. With Aftermath...I was ready for the story to end.
Honestly, I mainly bought Aftermath because Snapped ended with a cliffhanger, and I just had to know Misa's story. I really don't know how to describe either book without giving away too much plot. I will say one of the things that disappointed me about Aftermath was that Born (one of the main characters in White Lines) was brought onto the scene...but the time line wasn't relevant. Born mentioned something about Jada, but if you look back to the dates referenced in the White Lines, Jada and Born weren't on speaking terms in the time frame of Aftermath. That really annoyed me for some reason. Born has been brought up in other novels, but I never saw a time line problem like this one.A basic summary of Aftermath: It picks right up after the last page of Snapped. The whole book is basically about Misa's trial, Frankie and Camille's divorce, Frankie and Gillian's affair, and Tracy also gives us more background into the other characters. I can't say I recommend either book. I want my White Lines Tracy Brown back.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Liberation in Confrontation
It is liberating to tell people how you feel about them. You ever have that one person that just makes you soooo angry, but you choose not to say what needs to be said to them? Notice how it takes hold of you. Every time you think of the situation, it makes you angry. You're holding on this situation while the other person is sleeping just fine and not even thinking about you.
There are a few people in my life who probably need to hear the things that I need to say, so I know first hand what it feels like to allow someone to hold on to your emotions. For most others, I don't have a problem letting my feelings flow. This is not to say that you should go around just tearing people down. I do think, however, that some people are fully aware of what they're doing to anger you. I think those type of people need to be confronted (in taste) so they can know where they stand in your life.
Often times people say that you shouldn't even waste your time on meaningless people. That works for some. I'm just not in the business of brushing off things that shouldn't be brushed off. I'm very good at acting like people don't exist, BUT sometimes I think some people need to know that you're perfectly aware of the kind of person that they are. When I find that a person who has done something to me can control my emotions even when I'm not even directly interacting with that person, it is about that time to have that little talk that I like to have. Confrontation is not always comfortable, but confrontation usually brings forth results. I'm not talking about the "let me scream at you" confrontations. I am talking about very direct, no bs confrontations that allow a person to know what they have done to offend you. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to when they're directly approached. Whether the person cares or not is a non-issue. The point of it all is to get this situation off your shoulders and out of you head, so that this person no longer controls you emotionally.
A lot of people say that I'm aggressive and that I like confrontation. I may be aggressive, but I actually don't like confrontation. I like respect and I like straight-up people. If I have to confront someone to get those desired results, I'm willing to do that. If I have to tell you what's on my mind (respectfully) even if it's uncomfortable, I'm willing to do that in order to be liberated from emotional turmoil. There is liberation in confrontation. You may even find during that conversation/confrontation that you have done something to offend the other person...;-)
There are a few people in my life who probably need to hear the things that I need to say, so I know first hand what it feels like to allow someone to hold on to your emotions. For most others, I don't have a problem letting my feelings flow. This is not to say that you should go around just tearing people down. I do think, however, that some people are fully aware of what they're doing to anger you. I think those type of people need to be confronted (in taste) so they can know where they stand in your life.
Often times people say that you shouldn't even waste your time on meaningless people. That works for some. I'm just not in the business of brushing off things that shouldn't be brushed off. I'm very good at acting like people don't exist, BUT sometimes I think some people need to know that you're perfectly aware of the kind of person that they are. When I find that a person who has done something to me can control my emotions even when I'm not even directly interacting with that person, it is about that time to have that little talk that I like to have. Confrontation is not always comfortable, but confrontation usually brings forth results. I'm not talking about the "let me scream at you" confrontations. I am talking about very direct, no bs confrontations that allow a person to know what they have done to offend you. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to when they're directly approached. Whether the person cares or not is a non-issue. The point of it all is to get this situation off your shoulders and out of you head, so that this person no longer controls you emotionally.
A lot of people say that I'm aggressive and that I like confrontation. I may be aggressive, but I actually don't like confrontation. I like respect and I like straight-up people. If I have to confront someone to get those desired results, I'm willing to do that. If I have to tell you what's on my mind (respectfully) even if it's uncomfortable, I'm willing to do that in order to be liberated from emotional turmoil. There is liberation in confrontation. You may even find during that conversation/confrontation that you have done something to offend the other person...;-)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Hot Shoe Break!
So...I went about 3 months without buying any shoes. I have been attempting discipline myself instead of doing my little impulse shopping. I'm quite proud of myself. ;-) Well, on February 1st, I decided that I needed to make myself smile since I have a bit of the "desert blues." Bought some shoes and did a lot of shoe browsing! Here's some of the hot shoes that I found.
These little burgundy booties....I don't know how long I'm going to be able to just LOOK at them. They keep calling my name. 
Water For Elephants
So I just finished Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I must say that it exceeded my expectations. I read the book mainly because it was different than something I would normally read, and it was free.99. lol...I had to push myself through it at first. Once I got into it, it wasn't a bad story at all. Water for Elephants is told from the perspective a 93 year-old man who gets thrown into the circus after facing a great tragedy. The story depicts the harshness of surviving the The Great Depression and living on the road. It's also a love story. Would I recommend it? Undecided. I will say if you choose to read this book, get your vocabulary up or either have a dictionary handy. I consider myself to have a pretty good vocabulary (since I read constantly), but there were a lot of words in this book that completely threw me for a loop. I actually thought some of the words were unnecessary, but anyway...Water for Elephants! It was something different and a semi-pleasant surprise.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I can show you better than I can tell you ;-)
It seems like the thing to do these days....telling people who you are. I'm not really a fan of it. I'm not knocking anybody who does...or maybe I am. I just feel like as women, we shouldn't have to tell anybody everything about ourselves. People should see and know it. For instance, Phylicia Rashad and Michelle Obama strike me as two women that do not have to tell you anything about themselves. They already know who they are, and they don't need any one's confirmation or approval. They are confident, beautiful (try to say differently), classy, strong....so many things, and you can SEE it. They don't have to tell you. When did we lose that as women? When did we start going around telling people everything we want them to believe? I think everybody pats themselves on the back every now and then. There's nothing wrong with a little "I'm fly" once in a while, but it seems like that has become the popular thing to just announce to the world all of your qualities. Most of the time I wonder if people are convincing themselves of these things when I see it repeatedly.
You're confident...what are you telling me for? I should be able to already see it. You're gorgeous and can't nobody tell you nothing? *clapping hands* Wonderful. Why are you telling me constantly? And really...does beauty define you? You got major swagger? Yea, me too. People are not paying attention to what you tell them, though. They're more interested in what you show them. In my opinion, my mother is beautiful. I never heard her talk about it either. My best friend is gorgeous, and I never hear her go on and on about herself. If we must profess all these things for men to see, I feel like we're missing the mark in some kind of way. A man with enough sense is aware of a woman with good character and great qualities, and he won't let that pass. Or maybe these qualities that some of us feel the need to tell everyone about need work....I'm just sayin'.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I don't feel creative enough to give this a title
What the heck am I supposed to do with this mood I have been in? I am trying so hard not to slip into a negative funk, but it's not working out. The end of the deployment is indeed drawing near, but it feels so far away. This has definitely been one of my better deployments, but shoot....all good things must come to an end, right? I'm ready for this "good thing" to end already. lol.
Just venting....
Just venting....
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Top Ten Things
It's always the little things that I miss when I'm deployed. I miss my family the most, but here's just a few things that I think of all the time that I'll be so glad to get back to:
1. Texting! Yes, I have my Droid here...but I soooo turned the service off. I am missing my phone. lol. Unlimited texting is a must for me, and my little fingers are getting antsy. Plus, facebooking from my phone keeps me from being bored at the many briefings that I am forced to go to. Right now my phone is my trusty alarm clock and camera. That's it.
2. Library. I love my Kindle, but I still have the biggest crush on the library. We have a small one here, but it just doesn't compare.
3. Driving BY MYSELF to work. Riding the bus with all my co-workers is not the most fun thing everyday. Blah, blah, blah is all I hear on the bus, and at 7 a.m. I don't want to always hear all that blahing. My Beats by Dre headphones were a good investment. I'm able to drown out most of the nonsense, but some still finds its way in my ears. Can't wait to turn the key in my own ignition, turn on my music, and enjoy the peaceful ride.
4. My couch! Lol...who misses their couch? lol. ME! My couch and my blankie (yes, I said blankie) is calling me. I don't know how much longer I can resist. ;-)
5. SJ running trails. We have two running trails on base back home, and I love those trails. You can find me on those trails 3-6 times a week. It's my time to take in the pretty scenery and clear my head. Lord willing, the day after I get back I will reunite with one of the trails.
6. Privacy. I consider myself to be a pretty private person, and it is really hard to get any kind of privacy here. I am super excited when I go in my dorm room, and no one is in there. It's rare, but I enjoy every minute. Sometimes I get so frustrated because every conversation I have with my husband is usually in the presence of someone else. I just do not always feel like having someone hear everything that I talk about with him. Plus, there are sides of me that I only reveal to him, and it feels like I am being robbed of that here. There's nothing like a co-worker chiming in or commenting on your conversation to your spouse. Do you know how many times I wanted to get my "Deebo Punch" on?
7. Cooking. I truly miss cooking. I didn't think I would, but I do.
8. Sunday naps. After church if my meal is pretty much preped, it's on like donkey kong with me and my pillow. Haven't had a Sunday nap since August. lol. Sundays are a work day...so I guess I'll catch up on those naps when I bring my behind home.
9. My Shower. Every morning here, I get out of my bed and walk down a cold hallway with my shower caddy. After I pick my stall, I have to get about four paper towels to get someone's hair out of the drain. MAYBE the water will be warm. Now...I am extremely happy that we have water here with no shortage, but I am definitely missing my CLEAN, hot shower. I can't wait to hop out of my bed in the morning, walk three steps, turn on the shower and step into my own shower with NO shower shoes! I miss my CLEAN house in general. Folks are triflin' around here. lol. I have stories for days, but I'll spare you.
10. Movie Nights! I miss chillin' in the house with my husband watching movies until we're delirious. I still watch a lot of movies over here, but it's just not the same without enjoying each other's reactions to all the movies we watch.
I'm sure there's more, but these are the few that were at the front of my mind. Surprisingly, I don't miss wearing my heels. Whaaaaaat?! I miss my shoes, but I don't miss wearing them. My feet never hurt here. lol. My uniform is very comfortable. I'm allowing my feet to enjoy this rest! ;-)
1. Texting! Yes, I have my Droid here...but I soooo turned the service off. I am missing my phone. lol. Unlimited texting is a must for me, and my little fingers are getting antsy. Plus, facebooking from my phone keeps me from being bored at the many briefings that I am forced to go to. Right now my phone is my trusty alarm clock and camera. That's it.
2. Library. I love my Kindle, but I still have the biggest crush on the library. We have a small one here, but it just doesn't compare.
3. Driving BY MYSELF to work. Riding the bus with all my co-workers is not the most fun thing everyday. Blah, blah, blah is all I hear on the bus, and at 7 a.m. I don't want to always hear all that blahing. My Beats by Dre headphones were a good investment. I'm able to drown out most of the nonsense, but some still finds its way in my ears. Can't wait to turn the key in my own ignition, turn on my music, and enjoy the peaceful ride.
4. My couch! Lol...who misses their couch? lol. ME! My couch and my blankie (yes, I said blankie) is calling me. I don't know how much longer I can resist. ;-)
5. SJ running trails. We have two running trails on base back home, and I love those trails. You can find me on those trails 3-6 times a week. It's my time to take in the pretty scenery and clear my head. Lord willing, the day after I get back I will reunite with one of the trails.
6. Privacy. I consider myself to be a pretty private person, and it is really hard to get any kind of privacy here. I am super excited when I go in my dorm room, and no one is in there. It's rare, but I enjoy every minute. Sometimes I get so frustrated because every conversation I have with my husband is usually in the presence of someone else. I just do not always feel like having someone hear everything that I talk about with him. Plus, there are sides of me that I only reveal to him, and it feels like I am being robbed of that here. There's nothing like a co-worker chiming in or commenting on your conversation to your spouse. Do you know how many times I wanted to get my "Deebo Punch" on?
7. Cooking. I truly miss cooking. I didn't think I would, but I do.
8. Sunday naps. After church if my meal is pretty much preped, it's on like donkey kong with me and my pillow. Haven't had a Sunday nap since August. lol. Sundays are a work day...so I guess I'll catch up on those naps when I bring my behind home.
9. My Shower. Every morning here, I get out of my bed and walk down a cold hallway with my shower caddy. After I pick my stall, I have to get about four paper towels to get someone's hair out of the drain. MAYBE the water will be warm. Now...I am extremely happy that we have water here with no shortage, but I am definitely missing my CLEAN, hot shower. I can't wait to hop out of my bed in the morning, walk three steps, turn on the shower and step into my own shower with NO shower shoes! I miss my CLEAN house in general. Folks are triflin' around here. lol. I have stories for days, but I'll spare you.
10. Movie Nights! I miss chillin' in the house with my husband watching movies until we're delirious. I still watch a lot of movies over here, but it's just not the same without enjoying each other's reactions to all the movies we watch.
I'm sure there's more, but these are the few that were at the front of my mind. Surprisingly, I don't miss wearing my heels. Whaaaaaat?! I miss my shoes, but I don't miss wearing them. My feet never hurt here. lol. My uniform is very comfortable. I'm allowing my feet to enjoy this rest! ;-)
No Title...just my words....
I have been involved in a few conversations lately that have really bothered me. At the end of the conversation, and even during, one scripture often comes to mind.
Romans 12:3
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
As Christians, we must be careful to not think of ourselves to be without fault. Over the last few days, I have heard many things said that I feel could be damaging to a non-believer. We have to be mindful of our actions around unbelievers sometimes. If we as Christians treat our own Christian brothers and sisters as if we are better than them because we may think we're stronger in faith or "more of a Christian" than the next, how will that bring others to the Kingdom?
Quite frankly, no one is better than the next. We all have our struggles. Some of the things we struggle with are very visible while other are hidden. Sometimes we're even blind to our own struggles that EVERYONE else sees. Before we declare ourselves more righteous than the next person, we have to think about how that behavior may push others (including other Christians) away.
All I want to say is that we need to be mindful of our attitude. We have no reason to boast unless we're boasting in the Lord. The only one without sin was Jesus.
Romans 12:3
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
As Christians, we must be careful to not think of ourselves to be without fault. Over the last few days, I have heard many things said that I feel could be damaging to a non-believer. We have to be mindful of our actions around unbelievers sometimes. If we as Christians treat our own Christian brothers and sisters as if we are better than them because we may think we're stronger in faith or "more of a Christian" than the next, how will that bring others to the Kingdom?
Quite frankly, no one is better than the next. We all have our struggles. Some of the things we struggle with are very visible while other are hidden. Sometimes we're even blind to our own struggles that EVERYONE else sees. Before we declare ourselves more righteous than the next person, we have to think about how that behavior may push others (including other Christians) away.
All I want to say is that we need to be mindful of our attitude. We have no reason to boast unless we're boasting in the Lord. The only one without sin was Jesus.
We just don't know how good we have it....
School work and other studying has kept me from reading at the pace that I would like this deployment. I just had a week off in-between my last class and my present class, so I was able to push through a book that I was curious about. I recently finished a non-fiction novel called A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier. Wow. Wow is what I can say to this book. I saw one of my co-workers reading it, and I am glad I asked to borrow it. Sometimes we need to see the world from another person's view to realize that life truly is a gift. I can not imagine having to fight to live every single day. The story is basically about a young boy from Sierra Leone who is forced to make some hard decisions. After his village is destroyed by Revolutionary United Front (RUF) army, he is forced to flee for safety while looking for his family. Facing starvation and no home, he is later has little choice but to join the Sierra Leone Armed Forces and fight as a child soldier. He became a very violent, drugged addicted young boy who lost all sense of morality until he was released into a rehabilitation center.
While I was reading the book, I was pretty much sad the whole time. The story was harsh, but I think it's worth reading. I appreciate where I grew up so much more when I read books like this. I definitely think it's a must-read.
The next two books I plan to read are Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen and Like Sheep Gone Astray by Leslie J. Sherrod. Water for Elephants has sparked my interest because I have seen a lot of good reviews on the book, and I have also ran across of the book plenty of times. The last time I saw it one of the many bookshelves with free books here, I grabbed it. I'm going to attempt to enjoy this little free book. Hopefully both both books will be worth a read.Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010~Blessed
At the end of each year, I kind of like to go over in my mind all the things that I have to be thankful for over the past year. I usually do this while I'm cooking my New Years meal...but later for that. I'm playing in these Afghani rocks. Anyway, the list goes like this:
~God allowed us to purchase a house! That is probably one of the most exciting things that happened this year. To see the look on our parents faces was priceless. I remember the first time we walked in the house, we just knew that it was our house. I am sooo thankful to be a home owner at 27. God has truly blessed us.
~My degree...I can almost FINALLY take a breath. I am now in the home stretch of getting this paper that proves that I'm educated. lol
~My Daddy is a Deacon! My proudest moment in 2010 is when I was sitting at work here in Afghaniland wishing I was at my father's induction ceremony. It was bittersweet. I was extremely happy that day in September, but I was also very sad. I could not even think about the ceremony without crying because I felt like this is one moment that I should've been there for my Dad. Duty calls...what can you do? I did what I could and sent a letter that was read during his ceremony. In the military, sometimes we miss important moments that we can never get back. This is one...BUT the most important thing to me is seeing all that God has done in my father's life over the last ten years. I distinctly remember praying that my dad would just start coming to church on a regular basis when I was 18 years old. That was in 2001. All I wanted was him to sit under the Word. God exceeded my expectations. My dad has always given me wisdom, but now he gives me godly wisdom. He stands at the head of his household as the spiritual leader in his house. Thank you, Jesus! Prayer works. I wish I could really explain how much all of this means to me, but I can't. All I can say is I am so thankful, and I am the proudest girl in the world in who my Poppers is becoming. I can see God working in him, and it's a beautiful thing.
~My cousin is getting married! I am so happy that he found his "good thing." My little, big cousin is like a brother to me. I am probably one of his biggest fans. I am proud of him, and I am proud of the things that he's accomplished in his 26 years. Now it's a new step in his life. It's like he's not my little cousin anymore. He's a grown man! I couldn't be happier for him. Lord willing, I'm going to be sitting there watching him getting married with my millions of tissues that I WILL need. lol...I couldn't even tell him congratulations without crying, so I know I'll be a mess at the wedding.
~I am especially happy about the friends God has placed in my life. I feel like I have a few friendships that have grown so much this year that I really cherish. When I first got to North Carolina in '08, I prayed that God would send me a good friend(s) near me. All my good friends are far away. Well you know what God did? He didn't put my friends where I wanted them in location, he put my friends where I needed them....spiritually. I have realized it, and I'm am very ok with that. I have some GREAT friends, and they're only a phone call away. I had prayed to God for good Christian friends in my area. Well, He put a spotlight on some people that were already in my life. I just needed to build on the relationships. I didn't NEED anyone new. I had all that I needed around me even though they weren't right next door. I already had friends in my life who are equipped with the Word and that give godly counsel. I already had people who truly cared about me and what the Word says about our lives. Once I started making myself more available and opening up to people more, I realized I have the friends I'm supposed to have....and I LOVE them! I thank God for the people who are in my life. I'm taking all of you that I love in 2011, too!
~I thank God for peace. I'm on my third deployment. We all talk about getting our tax free money, but everything ain't funny out here. There are sounds and situations that you never forget. I thank God that through it all, he ALWAYS gives me peace in the midst of the situations.
~One day something clicked in me, and I realized that I needed to know the Lord more. I am MOST thankful right now that God makes Himself available to me. I can't tell you how much I've learned and grown over the last few months. I've been convicted of things I never even thought of, and I feel a hunger for His Word more than before. This is the first deployment that I have had so many Christians in my work environment. I don't feel like that's a coincidence. I needed this. I am so thankful!
~I have a job in this economy!
~I am thankful for my husband~for so many reasons! I'd rather tell him personally.
~I have a great family who has encouraged me when I needed it most. I thank God for the family that He gave me.
~I could go on for days about the things that I'm thankful for over the past year, but I won't. These are just a few things. I can look back at this list and know that I have nothing to complain about. I have everything I need and more. I have so much to be thankful for! The material things are wonderful, but God has blessed me spiritually this year. I am a happy woman!
~God allowed us to purchase a house! That is probably one of the most exciting things that happened this year. To see the look on our parents faces was priceless. I remember the first time we walked in the house, we just knew that it was our house. I am sooo thankful to be a home owner at 27. God has truly blessed us.
~My degree...I can almost FINALLY take a breath. I am now in the home stretch of getting this paper that proves that I'm educated. lol
~My Daddy is a Deacon! My proudest moment in 2010 is when I was sitting at work here in Afghaniland wishing I was at my father's induction ceremony. It was bittersweet. I was extremely happy that day in September, but I was also very sad. I could not even think about the ceremony without crying because I felt like this is one moment that I should've been there for my Dad. Duty calls...what can you do? I did what I could and sent a letter that was read during his ceremony. In the military, sometimes we miss important moments that we can never get back. This is one...BUT the most important thing to me is seeing all that God has done in my father's life over the last ten years. I distinctly remember praying that my dad would just start coming to church on a regular basis when I was 18 years old. That was in 2001. All I wanted was him to sit under the Word. God exceeded my expectations. My dad has always given me wisdom, but now he gives me godly wisdom. He stands at the head of his household as the spiritual leader in his house. Thank you, Jesus! Prayer works. I wish I could really explain how much all of this means to me, but I can't. All I can say is I am so thankful, and I am the proudest girl in the world in who my Poppers is becoming. I can see God working in him, and it's a beautiful thing.
~My cousin is getting married! I am so happy that he found his "good thing." My little, big cousin is like a brother to me. I am probably one of his biggest fans. I am proud of him, and I am proud of the things that he's accomplished in his 26 years. Now it's a new step in his life. It's like he's not my little cousin anymore. He's a grown man! I couldn't be happier for him. Lord willing, I'm going to be sitting there watching him getting married with my millions of tissues that I WILL need. lol...I couldn't even tell him congratulations without crying, so I know I'll be a mess at the wedding.
~I am especially happy about the friends God has placed in my life. I feel like I have a few friendships that have grown so much this year that I really cherish. When I first got to North Carolina in '08, I prayed that God would send me a good friend(s) near me. All my good friends are far away. Well you know what God did? He didn't put my friends where I wanted them in location, he put my friends where I needed them....spiritually. I have realized it, and I'm am very ok with that. I have some GREAT friends, and they're only a phone call away. I had prayed to God for good Christian friends in my area. Well, He put a spotlight on some people that were already in my life. I just needed to build on the relationships. I didn't NEED anyone new. I had all that I needed around me even though they weren't right next door. I already had friends in my life who are equipped with the Word and that give godly counsel. I already had people who truly cared about me and what the Word says about our lives. Once I started making myself more available and opening up to people more, I realized I have the friends I'm supposed to have....and I LOVE them! I thank God for the people who are in my life. I'm taking all of you that I love in 2011, too!
~I thank God for peace. I'm on my third deployment. We all talk about getting our tax free money, but everything ain't funny out here. There are sounds and situations that you never forget. I thank God that through it all, he ALWAYS gives me peace in the midst of the situations.
~One day something clicked in me, and I realized that I needed to know the Lord more. I am MOST thankful right now that God makes Himself available to me. I can't tell you how much I've learned and grown over the last few months. I've been convicted of things I never even thought of, and I feel a hunger for His Word more than before. This is the first deployment that I have had so many Christians in my work environment. I don't feel like that's a coincidence. I needed this. I am so thankful!
~I have a job in this economy!
~I am thankful for my husband~for so many reasons! I'd rather tell him personally.
~I have a great family who has encouraged me when I needed it most. I thank God for the family that He gave me.
~I could go on for days about the things that I'm thankful for over the past year, but I won't. These are just a few things. I can look back at this list and know that I have nothing to complain about. I have everything I need and more. I have so much to be thankful for! The material things are wonderful, but God has blessed me spiritually this year. I am a happy woman!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Hot!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
This Bitter Earth
I finished This Bitter Earth by Bernice McFadden a few weeks back. It is the sequel to Sugar, and I must admit it was quite interesting. Bernice McFadden tells Sugar's story 10 years later after the ending of the book Sugar. I was happy to see that Sugar had matured, and her life was starting to go in a positive direction. The sequel actually provided a lot of background to some of the characters in the first book. I won't say that this is one of the better books I have read, but I do think a person who has read Sugar should definitely go ahead and pick up this sequel. I found it to be a lot more interesting than it's prequel. I guess that's all I really have to say about it. 
Currently, I am reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. This book is incredible so far. I love it. I feel like there are so many things is this book that applies to me, and I really need to get better. I am not even finished with it, but I definitely recommend The Bait of Satan to any believer of Christ who interested in strengthening their spiritual walk. If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
~I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.~ Romans 7:15 NLV
Actually Romans 7:14-25 is what I'm really thinking of. I feel like it applies.
So my previous blog...I was already put to the test of that blog a few hours ago. I came home feeling good because I felt like I had one of those moments where the Word kind of just lifts off the page. You know one of those moments, where a certain passage is illuminated? It was one of those times where I definitely felt like God was saying "Child, get this. Get what I'm saying to you." You know what I did? I got it. I told myself I would apply it, and then 3 hours later I showed my fleshy behind. Epic fail.
So now I'm up. Should be sleeping, but I feel like I'm supposed to be up thinking about it.....not to be confused with worrying about.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." (Philippians 4:6 NLV)
With that being said, I really feel like I am supposed to be sacrificing sleep to pray (which I have already done and will do some more in a few) and reflecting on this. I have got to do better, but I guess I really need to start leaning on God and listening to Him in my moments of weakness. I was definitely listening to myself today.
I do thank God, however, for a Christian brother who chose to speak up and hold me accountable. I can not deny God's presence in my life. Even when I mess up, he surrounds me with people who are upfront with me and encourage me all in the same breath. I am glad he has given me the maturity to recognize this.
All in all, I am very disappointed in myself, but I refuse to NOT learn from the situation. I am brushing myself off and hoping that I'll pass this test with an A the next time. Now I'm off to go spend more time in meditation. Have to die to myself daily....
Actually Romans 7:14-25 is what I'm really thinking of. I feel like it applies.
So my previous blog...I was already put to the test of that blog a few hours ago. I came home feeling good because I felt like I had one of those moments where the Word kind of just lifts off the page. You know one of those moments, where a certain passage is illuminated? It was one of those times where I definitely felt like God was saying "Child, get this. Get what I'm saying to you." You know what I did? I got it. I told myself I would apply it, and then 3 hours later I showed my fleshy behind. Epic fail.
So now I'm up. Should be sleeping, but I feel like I'm supposed to be up thinking about it.....not to be confused with worrying about.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." (Philippians 4:6 NLV)
With that being said, I really feel like I am supposed to be sacrificing sleep to pray (which I have already done and will do some more in a few) and reflecting on this. I have got to do better, but I guess I really need to start leaning on God and listening to Him in my moments of weakness. I was definitely listening to myself today.
I do thank God, however, for a Christian brother who chose to speak up and hold me accountable. I can not deny God's presence in my life. Even when I mess up, he surrounds me with people who are upfront with me and encourage me all in the same breath. I am glad he has given me the maturity to recognize this.
All in all, I am very disappointed in myself, but I refuse to NOT learn from the situation. I am brushing myself off and hoping that I'll pass this test with an A the next time. Now I'm off to go spend more time in meditation. Have to die to myself daily....
~What's in your heart~
~For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of~
Do those words stop you in your tracks like they do for me? I mean really read that and meditate on those words. Then, think about all the words that fall out....or even get PUSHED out of your mouth everyday? What does you heart look like now?
Well, when I take a self-examination (because today this is about me), the words out of my mouth definitely depend on my temperament. My father has told me that I am a very temperamental person...and I can agree with that. Thinking on my words, I am feeling like I might need to work on my moods. lol
Sometimes I have nothing but good things to say, and sometimes I have a lot to say that is just plain ugly. At these times, my heart is not filled with anything but my flesh. All I can hear in my head right now is "what IS your heart filled with? WHO should your heart be filled with?" When I feel myself getting upset sometimes, I reflect (after the fact) on scriptures that say that we as Christians should be slow to anger.
"Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. Human anger does not achieve God's righteous purpose." (James 1:19-20)
"People with understanding control their anger, a hot temper shows great foolishness." (Proverbs 14:29 NLV)
When I really think about it, I say the worst things when I allow my temper and emotions to completely rule me. So if I am supposed to be controlling my anger, but I choose to loose control...then I say things that shouldn't be said....I guess I need to examine my heart. Who am I allowing to lead me? Me? Because if that's true, that's the wrong answer. My heart should be filled with Jesus. That's the only person I want my heart to be filled with. When I speak, it should be guided by the Holy Spirit. That shouldn't change according to my temperament. In this life, we have to die to ourselves (flesh) daily. That means we have to examine who is really Lord over our life EVERY day. If God is truly Lord over my life, my heart should be filled with Him....and out of my mouth, I should speak life. My heart should be full of His light. My confrontations should still be in love whether I'm upset or not.
Now this is not to say that I'm going to stop speaking my mind. I'm going to continue to keep it real, but there is definitely a difference between real and "the ugly." I'm guilty of both. Today, I'm not perfect, but today I stand convicted. The Father disciplines those who He loves, and I'm thankful for it. :-)
"For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." (Proverbs 3:12 NLV)
"A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." (Luke 6:45 NLV)
"....For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" (Luke 6:45 GNT)
Food for thought!
Do those words stop you in your tracks like they do for me? I mean really read that and meditate on those words. Then, think about all the words that fall out....or even get PUSHED out of your mouth everyday? What does you heart look like now?
Well, when I take a self-examination (because today this is about me), the words out of my mouth definitely depend on my temperament. My father has told me that I am a very temperamental person...and I can agree with that. Thinking on my words, I am feeling like I might need to work on my moods. lol
Sometimes I have nothing but good things to say, and sometimes I have a lot to say that is just plain ugly. At these times, my heart is not filled with anything but my flesh. All I can hear in my head right now is "what IS your heart filled with? WHO should your heart be filled with?" When I feel myself getting upset sometimes, I reflect (after the fact) on scriptures that say that we as Christians should be slow to anger.
"Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. Human anger does not achieve God's righteous purpose." (James 1:19-20)
"People with understanding control their anger, a hot temper shows great foolishness." (Proverbs 14:29 NLV)
When I really think about it, I say the worst things when I allow my temper and emotions to completely rule me. So if I am supposed to be controlling my anger, but I choose to loose control...then I say things that shouldn't be said....I guess I need to examine my heart. Who am I allowing to lead me? Me? Because if that's true, that's the wrong answer. My heart should be filled with Jesus. That's the only person I want my heart to be filled with. When I speak, it should be guided by the Holy Spirit. That shouldn't change according to my temperament. In this life, we have to die to ourselves (flesh) daily. That means we have to examine who is really Lord over our life EVERY day. If God is truly Lord over my life, my heart should be filled with Him....and out of my mouth, I should speak life. My heart should be full of His light. My confrontations should still be in love whether I'm upset or not.
Now this is not to say that I'm going to stop speaking my mind. I'm going to continue to keep it real, but there is definitely a difference between real and "the ugly." I'm guilty of both. Today, I'm not perfect, but today I stand convicted. The Father disciplines those who He loves, and I'm thankful for it. :-)
"For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." (Proverbs 3:12 NLV)
"A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." (Luke 6:45 NLV)
"....For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" (Luke 6:45 GNT)
Food for thought!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Christian Athiest
Craig Goeschel really hits on the fact that is not enough to just believe in Jesus. We really need to live this life. Everyday we need to strive to live right and do what Christ would have us to do. I feel like some of the chapters in the Christian Atheist challenged me to look at who I am, and why I do the things I do. I know there are areas that I can definitely do better, and I really think that was Craig Groeschel's intention.
I recommend it!
Deebo Punch = Respect
So I had a certain few situations that made me think back to conflict resolution as a kid. In elementary school, if you had a problem with someone that couldn't be settled with words, a quick fighting match usually solved the problem. Sounds harsh, but it's true. Fast forward to middle school....fighting wasn't really as funny anymore. In fact, 6th grade was the first time I knew of someone getting their face slashed by a razor. It was also the time where I really started seeing people get knocked SMOOTH out. Fighting just wasn't the same anymore. On to high school.....most people needed more of a reason to fight besides "yo mama this" or "yo mama that" but for the most part, fighting seemed kind of lame. Naw, I guess I really couldn't call it lame yet. It was still entertaining to watch. It's just no one really wanted to be involved IN the fight. You were going to end up getting your face banged up, and who wanted to walk around like that? Then, you become grown and see chicken heads fighting, and you're like why?? What are you doing with your life? Who fights anymore?
Now that I've been in my adult life for a while, I do have times where I think fighting might be the number one answer in some situations. Crazy, right? I know. I found sometimes that with the people I work with, there is a certain amount a respect most people have for each other. But then you always have that one person that just doesn't really care. No amount of talking or paperwork will make this person talk to you better. It's that one person that you want to punch in the mouth....HARD. The thing is now that I'm grown, and I have responsibilites..REAL responsibilities, I don't have the time to deal with the consequences of a physical altercation. Now busting someone in the head will no doubt affect your finances and your career. The knuckleheads that talk to you stupid know all of these things, and it's my belief that it is the reason they do the things that they do. They say slick crap to you because they know there is only so far the situation can go. Most times , I think consequences are really the determining factor in situations. A lot of people get away with so much because of it.
I wonder what it really takes for poeple to respect each other. Is about the way you were raised? Is it the morals that you carry? What is it really? Although I can be a very confrontational person especially when I feel I am being disrespected, there have been plenty of situations where I feel helpless. There is only so much that can be settled by talking...or really not talking to people. I just really want to know what the determining factor is to being respectful person. What does it take for an overly disrespectful person to change? Because I'm starting to think a good Deebo punch works sometimes. "That's my bike, punk!" I'm just sayin'. Not going to do it. Just a thought.
Now that I've been in my adult life for a while, I do have times where I think fighting might be the number one answer in some situations. Crazy, right? I know. I found sometimes that with the people I work with, there is a certain amount a respect most people have for each other. But then you always have that one person that just doesn't really care. No amount of talking or paperwork will make this person talk to you better. It's that one person that you want to punch in the mouth....HARD. The thing is now that I'm grown, and I have responsibilites..REAL responsibilities, I don't have the time to deal with the consequences of a physical altercation. Now busting someone in the head will no doubt affect your finances and your career. The knuckleheads that talk to you stupid know all of these things, and it's my belief that it is the reason they do the things that they do. They say slick crap to you because they know there is only so far the situation can go. Most times , I think consequences are really the determining factor in situations. A lot of people get away with so much because of it.
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