Just As Fine As the Rest

I personally do not have a problem with interacial dating. I feel like people can date who they want to date. It's not really my business who a person chooses to be with. I'm good on my end. I gotta a man. lol. I do, however, have a problem with black men who make remarks that place Black women behind another race of women. For years, I have heard some black men make comments about black women that are very unfair. "I don't date Black girls because they have too much attitude" or "Black women are crazy." Here's another one: "Black women are too loud." I have heard so many things. Some men even claim that Black women do not know how to treat Black men. I had one guy tell me that Asian women are the only women who really know how to cater to their men. All of these comments are pretty insulting especially when it comes from your own race.

Two years ago, I heard a group of men talking. Two of the guys happened to be black, and I considered them close associates. They were expressing their disdain for Black women to a majority white male audience. One statement that I would never forget is, "I would f*** a Black girl, but I would never bring her into the light." *Utter disbelief*.....really??? Really?! This came from a Black man. Now later, one of the White dudes talked to me privately. All he kept saying is "Why do they say things like that? Why do they feel that way about their own women?" I had no words for him. It was a situation that caused me to look at this particular dude differently forever. It was one of those frustrating moments where I felt like it was impossible to support Black men when some of them felt like we were less than another race of women.

I know all Black men are not this way. I know that there are Black men who truly cherish Black women, so for that reason I choose not to put every Black man in the bubble that I have put this associate in.

I remember sharing this conversation with a male in my life that I have the utmost respect for. I could tell that he knew the comments upset me. I knew in my heart that he felt like the conversation was messed up, but I didn't feel like he took as personally as I did. It was definitely a moment where I felt only a Black woman could truly understand the magnitude of how embarassing, degrading, and callous that particular statement was. It is statements like that cause division between Black women and men. I believe those types of beliefs and remarks are some of the reasons why some Black women develop a disdain for Black men who date White women.

 When I encounter Black men who act as if Black women just do not measure up to another race of women I often wonder what exactly do they think of their mother? She's Black. I always wonder if their mothers know that their son(s) see Black women beneath other women. If I had a son, that would break my heart to the core. 

Fast forward to the present. A few days ago I had another conversation with the male that I discussed this incident with. He was all kinds of upset because a Black female was bashing Black men and basically stating that she was now moving on to White men. *chuckle, chuckle* Now *bleep* gets real. He was upset because people were making little jokes that weren't quite funny to him, but the comments that were made were really no different than what I have often heard said about Black women. I listened while he told me the content of the conversation. Once he was finished I reminded him of the conversation from two years ago. I reminded him of how upset I was and how it didn't affect him as much. Why? Because it has been acceptable to degrade Black women, but let one Black woman talk badly about Black men and the world is ending. Our feelings have been hurt for years. Things are said about us and in our presence with total disregard of our feelings. It needs to stop. 

The reality of the situation is women are women. Men are men. A good woman is a good woman. A crazy woman is just that, and her race does not prove that she will not key your car on a less than good day. Just because a women is not Black does not automatically make her more attractive. I should not have to say this, but not all Black women are loud, ignorant acting, and full of attitude. Asian women are not the only women who know how to cater to a man. A woman who is treated the way she wants to be treated will most likely do anything for her man. That's not rocket science.

Black women are beautiful. It's just that simple. No one is saying that Black men have to just date/marry Black women. I think I can speak for the majority of us when I say we just really don't appreciate being put down by our men and treated like we're less than equal to any other women.

That's my piece.