If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.

 ~I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.~ Romans 7:15 NLV

Actually Romans 7:14-25 is what I'm really thinking of. I feel like it applies.

So my previous blog...I was already put to the test of that blog a few hours ago. I came home feeling good because I felt like I had one of those moments where the Word kind of just lifts off the page. You know one of those moments, where a certain passage is illuminated? It was one of those times where I definitely felt like God was saying "Child, get this. Get what I'm saying to you." You know what I did? I got it. I told myself I would apply it, and then 3 hours later I showed my fleshy behind. Epic fail.

So now I'm up. Should be sleeping, but I feel like I'm supposed to be up thinking about it.....not to be confused with worrying about.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." (Philippians 4:6 NLV)

With that being said, I really feel like I am supposed to be sacrificing sleep to pray (which I have already done and will do some more in a few) and reflecting on this. I have got to do better, but I guess I really need to start leaning on God and listening to Him in my moments of weakness. I was definitely listening to myself today.

I do thank God, however, for a Christian brother who chose to speak up and hold me accountable. I can not deny God's presence in my life. Even when I mess up, he surrounds me with people who are upfront with me and encourage me all in the same breath. I am glad he has given me the maturity to recognize this.

All in all, I am very disappointed in myself, but I refuse to NOT learn from the situation. I am brushing myself off and hoping that I'll pass this test with an A the next time. Now I'm off to go spend more time in meditation. Have to die to myself daily....