The desert has a way of allowing me a lot of time to reflect on a lot of things. This morning I got up, and I was a little disgruntled about some things. I wouldn't say I was in a bad mood....just a bit disappointed with people. Then, on the walk home from work, I started thinking that the desert can be compared to prison in some ways. It's not that you're on lock down; you still have freedom. You can't, however, buy a ticket home just because you're home sick or to remind people that you still exist. When it comes to most people back home, it's like you're "out of sight, out of mind." While I was thinking that, I wondered if people in prison feel the exact same way....almost forgotten about. I understand how it happens. I don't think anyone who is away ever expects people to drop their whole life and constantly think of the person who is away. I think it's just kind of shocking how quickly people go on with their lives. But really, what can you expect? Nothing has changed in their lives. The only thing that is different is your presence, which come to find out might not be that big of a deal. In fact, without your presence life can and does go on. People may miss you at first, but they get over it. Soon people get distracted by their everyday activities, and I've found that you (the person away) have to find your own temporary life to keep you distracted from loneliness.
When I first got here, I found myself rushing to my computer after work to check and see who I heard from. I stayed up late trying to make sure I was up when everyone on the other side of the world was up. Then, I realized it's just not practical for me. I am working long hours. I need my rest. I haven't had a day off, and really I have a life to live over here. People aren't losing sleep to talk to me, so I need to take care of me first over here.
I think what always hurts the most is the ache that you feel from missing people who have other things to think about besides you.
BUT this is not meant to be a sad message. It's just some of the thoughts that go on in the mind of Kish. These are the times where I am especially glad that I have Jesus. He makes everything ok, and I always can rest assured that I am on his mind no matter where I go.
Real Talk!!! I def understand how you are feeling, or were feeling. It is soooo easy to get caught up and to forget about people so to speak. Im not making any excuses for those who have hurt, I myself may be in that number, but I dont think people to intentionally. I have been hurt and I am sure that I have hurt others but in order to deal with it, I had to sit down and really evaluate the situation. I took a look at me and my expectations that I have put on people and just decided that it was best not to "expect" things from people. I know it sounds harsh but for me it was the only to not get hurt, if you dont expect it then it wont matter what they do or dont do. Just know that GOd never fails us, he meets and exceeds all our expectations, we can only find true fullfillment and contentment in him.
ReplyDeleteAlso like i mentioned earlier, I dont think people do it intentionally, we all have different coping mechanisms with seperation where you may run to the computer and wait for people to get on, email etc, others may get themselves overly involved in other things to keep from missing u...lol..just a thought
Every time I get disappointed, I tell myself not to expect anything of people. I haven't learned yet.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about the fact that some people may get overly involved to keep from missing people. That's a good point.
I am just starting to learn that everyone is different. I had to stop myself from thinking on that subject too long because I felt like it would cause me to start looking too far into things. Then, I would start making a big deal out of nothing.
Another thing is that this time around, one of my main goals is to maintain a positive attitude during this trip. I can't do that if I am dwelling on things that make me unhappy. I had to put things in perspective and focus on what has to be done here. The things that must be done is the mission, weight loss, spiritual growth, school work, promotion studying, and my book list. When I look at it like that, I don't have time to be sad. I need to get to moving and stay focused. lol...then, next thing you know, I'll be home! Then, I won't have to worry about who misses me, and who I miss.