SLACKING

I haven't wrote a post in ages, and that's not ok. I am going to get out of this lazy slump. I am going to attempt to blog at least once a week from this day forward.

What Happened to Walmart?

Ok, so today I planned to stay in the stores until I felt like relaxing. For whatever reason I was super restless today. My shopping trip actually lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. I hit up Kohl's, Ross, Target, Old Navy, and the mall. I had a good time, and I bought some necessaries along with a few wants. The one thing on to-do list that I saved for last was grocery shopping. I had planned on driving back to my city to do the grocery shopping, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I figured that even though I was like 45 minutes away from the house, my groceries would be just fine if I just went to the Walmart in my current location.

I don't like Walmart to begin with, but I figured it was just one particular Walmart in my city that I didn't like. No. As soon as I walked into the "last minute decision" Walmart, I knew I made a horrible decision. This quite possibly was the worst Walmart I've been to in a minute. I should've just drove allllll the way to the pretty Wally World in my town. I chose to be hard-headed, I guess. The whole time I was in this particular Walmart, I just started making mental notes to myself. The shelves were too bare in some spots. It was dirty and disorganized. The bathroom was nasty. I just shook my head.

It's a shame, but you can definitely tell what part of the city you're in if you step inside the Walmart in that area. That in itself is ridiculous. Why is it that the lower income areas deserve to have kicked around fruit and a dirty, disorganized, bare Walmart? When did Walmart become so....so...I don't know. I remember when I used to love Walmart. I really despise the store now. The sad thing is Walmart is not going to change. Those of us who hate Walmart continue to go there because they meet the need. Walmart is a one-stop shop. That is what will keep customers going there no matter whether the store improves or not. With that being said, I don't think Walmart's management cares what we think at all. If they feel like having a pretty store, they will. If they think the people in the area aren't worth pretty fruit, then they'll continue to get kicked around fruit.

I'm just mad at myself for continuing to support the store. I'll probably be in somebody's Walmart tomorrow. Shame.

I May Have Popped a Button

<p>I just broke down and bought a new uniform. First step is admitting. I am now admitting that I've gained weight, and my tight bleep uniform isn't nearly as sexy as I act like it is. So I suffered the consequences of weight gain by letting it punch me in my pocket, and then I left Clothing Sales.

I am actually proud of myself,  though. I have been eating better and lighter this week. I'm more motivated to workout. I'm on my way....or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

So here's the plan: I'll wear the uniform labeled "FG" until I lose approximately 12 pounds. Then, I will decide if my old uniform fits to my standards. So there. I've just set an attainable goal. ;-)

Time For a Change

I will admit I have fallen off. Let me just say this: I'm not one to publicly point out my flaws. I know I'm not flawless. I do not even begin to act like I'm perfect,  but I am very comfortable with me. I love to highlight my positives and deal with my flaws privately....and by privately that means my close friends are who I discuss my shortcomings with. With that being said, today I'll act like YOU, Public Blog, are my dear friend. I need to be able to look back on this later to know things have changed for the better.

Back to line one: I've fallen off, girrrrrrrlllllll, have I ever! For the life of me I couldn't figure out how it happened, but really I knew. I was so focused on one area of my life that I thought everything else would stay in place. Don't ever believe that lie. I won't ever again. I let myself get fat. (Girl, u ain't fat) Yes, I am, Craig. U ain't got to lie. As much as I try to say it snuck up, 30 lbs doesn't sneak up on nobody's ass hind parts. It knocks on the door and makes a loud entrance. I just allowed the guest to become welcome and make a home on my hips, thighs, and bum.....and chin. I got something for it, though.

I've always liked to look nice, but I've gotten careless in that area. Yea, I spend majority of my time in my uniform especially with the deployments. No excuse. It was never an excuse before. I just got a little too comfortable in comfort. So I'm working on my wardrobe again. It's been fun. I'm trying to revamp my look in subtle ways.

Socially, I've been a loner. I'm not going to say I want a huge amount of friends, but I do need to show myself friendly more. I want to start being more active and social again. I feel like I have been missing out.

I've gotten very comfortable in my career, but it's time to start making steps to move forward. I reached my goal of attaining my degree. I haven't set anymore goals. I do not like to live my life without goals, so it's on to the next goal. New rank and another degree! Cheers to the future.

Let's not even talk about my spiritual life. Ten steps back. Why? Because other things were more important. That's a no go. I need to get it together.

Where the heck did my hobbies go? I really don't know, but I refuse to be without a hobby any longer.

As selfish as this sounds, it's going to have to be about me right now. This isn't a speech about how I'm putting myself first or anything like that. It's more about adding myself to the equation. I have lost a lot of myself and neglected myself in a lot of things. I'm no longer willing to do that.

I haven't wrote in a while because I have been spending so much time bottling up my thoughts that are really too private to share. The thoughts I do type are usually in a text/gchat to one of the few people that won't judge me. Since I don't have access to my tiny qwerty keyboard, I have been forced to deal with all the things on my mind without adding any humor to it.

Everyone needs someone to vent to. I'm glad I have that. Most people choose not to listen because they only care about what it going on with themselves. I am blessed to have one person in my life will always listen to my thoughts. She never minimizes my feelings. I didn't realize how much I have come to depend on that until here recently.

I guess that my mood is alright. I don't feel depressed or anything like that, but I do feel dissatisfied with some things. I am at a point in my life where I'm tired of all bull****, and I do not feel like dealing with it from anyone. I'm a do-er. If there is a problem, I DO something about it if it means something to me. I'm tired of doing that. I realized that this time away from my everyday schedule is a welcomed break from me. I need a break from everything right now. The song that comes to mind is Erykah Badu's "Window Seat." I just needed to be away.

I'm trying to figure out what lesson I'm supposed to be learning from the things that are going on around me. What am I doing wrong? Why do I sometimes feel like I'm trying my best, but people just want more and more from me? Why do I feel like I'm always expected to change problems that are not mine alone? Why do people I thought were friends try to run all over me? Why do situations that I thought were cool seem to turn upside down so quick? I just don't feel certain of anything or anybody these days.

Most days I feel like I have nothing to complain about. I have a lot of things that most people want I guess, but then I look around and I think a lot of the things are just not real.

I am getting to the point now where I'm no longer willing to take credit for some things. I'm not perfect. I'm not saying that I don't cause problems, but I do know what kind of person I am. I know that for the people that I consider true in my life, I will do my best for. I'm tired of people giving me 70 percent and wanting my full 100. I am tired of people wanting me to do right by them, but they half do for me. I'm evaluating a lot of things and people in my life right now, and I am no longer willing to be on anyone's back burner while they remain a priority in my life. This post excludes nobody.

I am not going out of my way for anyone who doesn't deserve it anymore no matter what role they think they play in my life.

Over and out!

~Yep, this is my last post until I feel like I can write something inspiring.....or when I can get back to texting/gchatting my frustrations.

Just As Fine As the Rest

I personally do not have a problem with interacial dating. I feel like people can date who they want to date. It's not really my business who a person chooses to be with. I'm good on my end. I gotta a man. lol. I do, however, have a problem with black men who make remarks that place Black women behind another race of women. For years, I have heard some black men make comments about black women that are very unfair. "I don't date Black girls because they have too much attitude" or "Black women are crazy." Here's another one: "Black women are too loud." I have heard so many things. Some men even claim that Black women do not know how to treat Black men. I had one guy tell me that Asian women are the only women who really know how to cater to their men. All of these comments are pretty insulting especially when it comes from your own race.

Two years ago, I heard a group of men talking. Two of the guys happened to be black, and I considered them close associates. They were expressing their disdain for Black women to a majority white male audience. One statement that I would never forget is, "I would f*** a Black girl, but I would never bring her into the light." *Utter disbelief*.....really??? Really?! This came from a Black man. Now later, one of the White dudes talked to me privately. All he kept saying is "Why do they say things like that? Why do they feel that way about their own women?" I had no words for him. It was a situation that caused me to look at this particular dude differently forever. It was one of those frustrating moments where I felt like it was impossible to support Black men when some of them felt like we were less than another race of women.

I know all Black men are not this way. I know that there are Black men who truly cherish Black women, so for that reason I choose not to put every Black man in the bubble that I have put this associate in.

I remember sharing this conversation with a male in my life that I have the utmost respect for. I could tell that he knew the comments upset me. I knew in my heart that he felt like the conversation was messed up, but I didn't feel like he took as personally as I did. It was definitely a moment where I felt only a Black woman could truly understand the magnitude of how embarassing, degrading, and callous that particular statement was. It is statements like that cause division between Black women and men. I believe those types of beliefs and remarks are some of the reasons why some Black women develop a disdain for Black men who date White women.

 When I encounter Black men who act as if Black women just do not measure up to another race of women I often wonder what exactly do they think of their mother? She's Black. I always wonder if their mothers know that their son(s) see Black women beneath other women. If I had a son, that would break my heart to the core. 

Fast forward to the present. A few days ago I had another conversation with the male that I discussed this incident with. He was all kinds of upset because a Black female was bashing Black men and basically stating that she was now moving on to White men. *chuckle, chuckle* Now *bleep* gets real. He was upset because people were making little jokes that weren't quite funny to him, but the comments that were made were really no different than what I have often heard said about Black women. I listened while he told me the content of the conversation. Once he was finished I reminded him of the conversation from two years ago. I reminded him of how upset I was and how it didn't affect him as much. Why? Because it has been acceptable to degrade Black women, but let one Black woman talk badly about Black men and the world is ending. Our feelings have been hurt for years. Things are said about us and in our presence with total disregard of our feelings. It needs to stop. 

The reality of the situation is women are women. Men are men. A good woman is a good woman. A crazy woman is just that, and her race does not prove that she will not key your car on a less than good day. Just because a women is not Black does not automatically make her more attractive. I should not have to say this, but not all Black women are loud, ignorant acting, and full of attitude. Asian women are not the only women who know how to cater to a man. A woman who is treated the way she wants to be treated will most likely do anything for her man. That's not rocket science.

Black women are beautiful. It's just that simple. No one is saying that Black men have to just date/marry Black women. I think I can speak for the majority of us when I say we just really don't appreciate being put down by our men and treated like we're less than equal to any other women.

That's my piece.

It's been too long...

I know it's been a long minute since I've put anything up here. It's been in the back of  my mind, but I'm waiting to be truly inspired to write. There have been many things that have sparked my interest, but not enough for me to pick up a pen. Hopefully soon because I miss my blog. Right now I'm taking the time to read plenty of other blogs in my down town. I'll be writing in the near future.

A Corny Confession

Since I felt like I left the fam prematurely this time, I think...I know I subconsciously bought some things that remind me of home. I'm OK with admitting it now. I've been wanting another Crockpot for a while, and I had been eyeing a few that my mother had. We had a conversation about the time it takes to cook after work in which she said "Girrrrl, you better start using that Crockpot." I complained that mine would possibly overcook the food if  I don't get home in time. She proceeded to tell me about how hers have the timers and blah, blah, my-Crockpot-is-better-than-yours. lol...When I got back, I saw the slow cooker in Wally World, and I had to have it. For some reason it was like having a piece of my mother in the house. When I look at it, I really do think of her. That makes me smile. lol...I know that's corny, but I can't wait to make a roast or something in it. I'll probably be neglecting my old Crockpot for a while.

You know those clear jars that hold like sugar, flour, rice, and beans...or whatever else? I had some, but I didn't have the kind my Mom had. This time when I was home, I asked her where she got hers. Wally World, of course. I don't know why I even asked. Well guess what I had to do? I had to replace mine. Now, trust and believe my old containers will find use in another way, but this was another part of home that for some reason I had to have. My husband made me laugh by saying "Why are those so much better than the ones we had?" I answered "Because they are....and they match the fridge." He wasn't buying it.

Lastly, over the years my Mom has acquired many sets of plates. For whatever reason I LOVED her clear little cereal bowls. I won't have you think there was anything special about them. I guess they were just my mom's, and I've just been missing her. So you know...I was in Walmart...lol...couldn't find clear bowls like hers, but I did find some clear little cups. They're definitely my little subtle reminder of home.

:-) I can't always be close to my family, but I can sure find ways to always have them in my thoughts.

still thankful

Well, I initially told myself I would continue with the 1000 greatest gifts each Friday. I haven't found the time to blog regularly, but I feel like I should put these two things down.

Gifts:

1. Time spent with family
2. New shift

Explanation:

I just watched my cousin get married, and it was a beautiful thing. His marriage brought a lot of the fam that doesn't live in Colorado back to the Springs. It was like a family reunion, and it was great week. I love my family, and this time around I was a lot more sad to leave home than usual. In fact, I kind of wish that I was in driver's distance of my family. Maybe one day. The week was full of laughs, great food, and good times. Of course, there are always moments that you want to grab members of the fam and slap them five times, but the good always outweighs the bad. I've only been away from my relatives for 3 days, and I'm wishing I could go back.

The new shift....ugh! I was enjoying day shift. I'm able to spend more time with my husband...more time than I have been able to since we got married, and now it's like a change up AGAIN. The good thing about this new shift is that I tend to exercise a lot more regularly on these hours. I'm looking forward to getting rid of this extra weight.

I'll be blogging more.

(Untitled)

Please stop wearing your oldest, ugliest, faded scarves out in public. It's a bad look, and I'm embarassed for you. That scarf right there to the left is supposed to be in the house.

I get it. Sometimes you have to go out of the house, and you don't have time to put a whole bunch of effort in your hair. That's cool....but that ugly scarf that you wear to bed every night...keep that one in the house..along with your funky house slippers.

Now I'm not going to front, I go out with a scarf on my head every now and then especially when I have just taken braids down. There are things called fashionable scarves. Match your outfit. Make it look like it's something that you meant to do. That whole "rolled out of the bed and I dare you to say" something look is just a bad idea --always. I don't care if you have sweats on and you only meant to go to 7-11 and back...that nasty, flowery, faded scarf is a bad idea. That is all.

School is out!!

I'm still riding off my high of finishing my degree...but at the same time I almost feel like "what now?" I'm just so used to having something that I should be rusing to finish. I can tell you what I have been doing...I've been trying to limit my laptop time for sure! I feel like my husband has had to share a lot of time with me having my laptop in front of my face while we watch a movie or whatever, so he deserves my full attention now. I  can honestly say it feels good to fix dinner without stressing about how I need to hurry up and clean up before my eyes get too heavy to do school work. It feels good to be in the middle of a sentence and be like "whatever...."and then just close my laptop. I have nothing to prove or turn in. I'm no longer ruled by my screen. So for now...I can kick my feet up....and I love it. Since school is out, I'm finding that I no longer find TV as entertaining. There are a few shows that I really love to watch, but for the most part...I'd rather read.

Prayer for who really??

So I get emails daily from Christian websites. I was reading one in particular today about praying for strangers. I thought to myself, "well, I do that. I pray if I drive by an accident. I pray if I see an ambulance or fire truck with its lights on..." I'm naming the few instances in my head, but then I read further into the email. By the end of the reading, I realized that what the author was really saying is a form of love that can be shown is through prayer and praying selflessly.

When I began to really think about the words in the email, I started  taking an honest look at myself. How selfish are my prayers really? I do prayer for others, but it's usually my family. By praying for my family, I'm still praying for people that I am invested in. The well-being of my family affects my happiness, so in a sense I'm still praying for someone that has everything to do with me. How often do I pray for others that have absolutely nothing to do with me?

I am quite sure that someone is praying for me at some point of the day, but am I praying for anyone else? I feel like I don't spend ENOUGH time praying. That needs to change. When I do pray, I'm praying for the same things.

I feel like a form of ministry is prayer. As saints we do have the responsibility for helping others realize the salvation they can have through Christ. Prayer is one of the steps, and I am realizing that I am truly not doing my part. I am around people everyday that I am sure do not know Christ, so there is plenty of praying that I can be doing.

My sole purpose in life isn't about just doing things that benefit me. There is plenty need in the world. I want to start getting busy and praying for others. I think it will be challenging to step outside myself, but I think it's worth the challenge.

Are you brave enough to try it as well?

The Funny Thing About a Lost iPod...

is you lose all your music. Of course it's still on itunes, but you still have to essentially spend time to start all over again. About a month back, I lost my iPod. I don't know how I did it because like my phone, my iPod usually never gets left behind. In fact, during the week days, my iPod is carried in the same pocket as my phone. It's used just about every day. I was soooooo confused when I came home after a run one Saturday and realized I had no idea where my iPod went. I had my armband and my headphones...no iPod, though. I was frustrated, and so was my husband. lol...he had already bought two for me. I guess I would buy this next one myself.

...a little under $300 later, I realized that losing my iPod might not have been a bad thing. I have been half trying to get rid of some of the music that my ears really don't need from my little music machine, but I've been doing more hanging on than letting go. I just realized that this is probably the only way that I would really consciously think about what is being put on my iPod. As I have been putting songs onto my newest iPod, I have been telling myself that if it's on random mode I want more inspirational music than "I said look ma, no hands" music. I won't sit here and claim that I have given up secular music altogether. I am more conscious of the music that I'm listening to. I do have control over my own iPod, and I'm taking ownership. I love to listen to T.I., Wayne, Ricky Ross, etc...but I'm starting to find that I'm cringing more and more here lately when some things are said. I'm also guilty of a sinister chuckle when I hear lyrics like "Can I hit it in the mornin'....," so I figure if I feel guilty and naughty all at the same time....I'm not going to be able to put it on my iPod. When I wake up in the morning singing "You think you're using me...like this game's new to me...but you ain't confusing me...you just want jewelery, another --- shopping spree"....*side eye at myself* First thing in the morning, my mind is NOT supposed to be on worldly mess. It's all about listening to that voice and no longer ignoring it. Guess I'll leave some of that music right on XM.

Not a perfect iPod, but I'm striving to make it better. I'm trying to take my time as I'm putting music on it. We  have sooooo much Christian Hip Hop (thank God for it) in our itunes. I figure I need to condition my ears to crave more of message-based music. There are some artist that are really worth listening to. Keep praying for me. I'm trying to do better.

http://youtu.be/Q2RK7hzkaus?hd=1

And the gifts begin...

It's been a minute, right??? I know! I've missed writing, but I just haven't had the time. Responsibilites at home and school work come first. Now that school work is gone...hopefully...I'm good to write and read as much as a dare please!

So I'm doing my usual FB browsing yesterday. In my News Feed I notice that my good friend, Kesha, has been back on her blogging game. This particular blog really interested me. She's talking about reading a book called One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Life Fully Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. It is an Inspirational Christian novel that challenges us to embrace our everyday blessings. So, my friend has taken on the challenge of the author by beginning a list of the things she is grateful for that she already has in her life. I thought this was a beauuuuutiful idea from the author. It is so easy for me to vent and list the things that bother me about work, people, and whatever else. Why don't I focus some time on celebrating the MANY blessings I have. I truly feel blessed! I am following my friend's lead and accepting the challenge to list the everyday things that I am grateful for. 1000 things?? I don't know if I'll get to that number, but I will periodically remind myself and display for others the gifts that I feel grateful for. I have so much to be thankful for!

Today, during the last 10-15 minutes of work I had time to start the list. I pulled a sheet of paper out of the printer and pretty much refused to let my pencil seperate from the paper. I stopped myself at 37. These are ordinary things, but I am sooooo thankful.

Here goes my gifts:

1) My little Hyundai. :-) Say what you will about Hyundai, but you can't beat the warranty. KG (the name I given my car) is super CLEAN, black-on-black & beautiful, and it gets 32 miles to the gallon. Halleluah!

2) Peace in my house

3) I am so grateful to have a job!

4) My parents. They're the best!

5) My Auntie Hattie

6) My bestie. 20+ years. Not everybody has the opportunity to have a true friend.

6) Friends in the body of Christ. You all have been there in way you don't even know.

7) My acquired fam (Moses Fam)~ No blood relation, but still fam all the same. They are always there when Lou and I call.

8) Good movies in the collection that keep a smile on my face.

9) All those Sundays I spent sitting at the kitchen table while my Mom was cooking. I was learning how to cook without lifting a finger (except to make cornbread), and I didn't even know it.

10) My friend, Myranda, who has stayed true to our friendship every since we met over a decade a go. She never went a day without talking to me while I was in the desert, and God knew I would appreciate that!

11) My father's (Earthly dad) timeless wisdom.

12) The books of Romans and Ephesians.

13) Tuition Assistance. Thank you, Jesus!

14) Facebook. Makes staying in touch so much easier.

15) Gmail chat/text...can talk to my good friends whenever I like. I wouldn't be able to survive with that message in a bottle nonsense.

16) Blog sites. I love being able to express myself and read others' thoughts. I'm glad it's EASY to do these things.

17) The friendship I have with my husband.

18) Water....I freakin' love it!

19) Hot showers....a deployment or 3 will make you appreciate them.

20) IPOD. It's the best thing since sliced bread.

21) Forgiveness. I am glad the Father has shown me how to be humble enough to ask for it and compassionate enough to give it.

22) Spiritual growth and maturity!

23) The D-V-to the R.

24) Fun co-workers. We spend enough time together. Might as well occasionally enjoy each other's presence and have some great laughs.

25) The Holy Spirit

26) Honest people in my life

27) Good nail ladies. Don't judge me.

28) A husband who likes things clean and orderly.

29) Real toilets that flush and an individual CLEAN bathroom (no stalls) ~ It took a deployment for me to appreciate this.

30) My first supervisor who invested a lot in me

31) Discernment

32) My Smart Phone. I'm attached, and don't judge me.To be able to bank from your phone is a gift in itself to me.

33) Romans 10:8-13 and Romans 6

34) Revelation in situations

35) Skype ~ When I'm halfway around the world, seeing the smiling face of the man I love lifted my spirits on days when all I wanted to do sleep to pass 7 months away.

36) Air conditioning

37) My home

I know my list may be silly to you, but these things mean a lot to me. It's the little things that I do not always acknowledge, but I would truly miss if they were absent from my life. So many times I think that we're so spoiled that we don't realize that many days we have absolutely nothing to complain about. We're blessed. I am blessed everyday. I NEED nothing. I'm going to continue with this challenge. Thanks, Kesha, for sharing this challenge with your friends.

Random Tidbits About Me

~ I hate to shop. I really do unless it's shoes. I love shoes. I could look at shoes all day. They're like a work of art. Other than that, I really despise shopping. That's one of the main reasons I shop alone. I just like to look nice. Since I like to look nice, I'm willing to shop.

~ I think I have Oprah feet syndrome. She says her feet always hurt no matter how comfortable a shoe is supposed to be. Any time I have pumps on, my feet hurt quick! I have like two pairs of shoes that I bought recently that don't hurt. I wanted to open mouth kiss those shoes for being so kind.

~ I do not sit down and eat with people I don't like. I just don't do it. It's one of my rules.

~ I'm very moody...extremely. I get it from my father. I used to try to deny my moodiness, but I've embraced it. The fact that I'm aware of it helps me to treat people better in my moods. Haha...but it's something no one should take personal. Everybody has their flaws. I rarely tell people my flaws, but that is definitely one of them. ;-)

~ I'm not big on socializing really especially in big groups. Some people think I'm stuck up. It's not that. I'm just not really super enthusiastic with people I don't know. It takes me a bit to get comfortable with people. Once I'm comfortable, you would never even remember how quiet I was before. lol

That's all for now....

~ Oh yeah...I believe in embracing who you are. That is all.

I'm back....but I left too soon!

Is that me typing on this keyboard? Why yes it is! I'm overdue for a blog. I know it's been a while. I kept thinking I needed to write a message talking about how it felt to be back, but I just couldn't seem to take time to sit down and write...when I'd rather be clowning with my husband. We have been having a good time enjoying each other's presence after being away from each other 5 days short of 7 months. 7 months is a long time to be away from your home and the one you love. I know it now.

In the last month that I was in Afghanistan, I would wake up and think about how I would feel when I saw my husband on the flight line. Every day that thought would make me smile...and sometimes tear up. I can't even describe how it felt to get off the plane in NC and begin my journey across the flight line. I couldn't walk fast enough. I don't remember anybody I shook hands with. I was on a mission to get to love. I had been away from the people who truly cared about me for so long that I couldn't wait to get in the presence of a person who really understood me. I just remember walking past so many people. I remember thinking as I was walking that I had never made this walk alone. My husband was always with me before. I never had this sense of urgency that I had at that moment. We usually got off the plane together and joked about hugging each other and making a big scene, so we wouldn't be left out when the other Airman got to their families. Now I was one of them. It was dark, so I couldn't see faces. When I saw a figure shift, there was no mistaking who it was. I didn't see anyone else. I tried to keep my composure, so I refrained from running. My composure left as soon as I was in his arms. It was like I forgot all about Afghanistan in that moment as my happy tears flowed.

These last few weeks I spent at home were pretty much wonderful. The first time I was home by myself, I was a bit creeped out because I hadn't been by myself in so long. Other than that, it's been amazing to be home. And then the time came for me to go TDY. So here I am in Cali in the beautiful sun, and all I can think is it's like Afghanistan again. I know it's not Afghanistan, but it's like the same feelings. I'm away from home. I'm away from my husband, and I want to go home. I want to go HOME! I want to shower with no shower shoes. I want to walk around my clean house. I want to joke around with my husband, and I want to sleep in my own bed! In due time. I do plan to enjoy my time here in Cali, but in my heart I am a little sad. I wish I could've brought home here....and by home I mean Lou.

7 Years to learn, 13 years to get better!

So I just came up on 7 years in the military, and boy how the time flies. I find myself lecturing young airman on opening a Roth IRA along with the Thrift Savings plan as soon as they come in. I'm nagging airman about getting their education because time gets away from you. I know from experience. My dad always told me growing up that you want your children to better than you were. I feel the same way with the airman coming up around me. I want to make sure everyone that comes up after me doesn't have to learn the same lessons I did the hard way.

With that being said, the most important thing I have learned in these 7 years is that you have to take care of yourself. If you spend time depending on someone else to look out for you, it just may never happen. I was fortunate to have a really good supervisor when I first came in. I was blessed to be able to work with her for 3 years. Every since then, I feel like I have been left out in the cold to take care of myself. In the last three years, I have experienced many disappointments when it comes to leadership, but I have recently made the decision to take my career into my own hands literally.

I plan to stay in the military for 13 more years, and I refuse let anyone get in the way of the things I know that I am capable of achieving. I will also make sure that I am the leader that I expect out of my leadership. I will look out for my troops, and I'll step up to get the job done. Things have changed a lot in the 7 years I have been in. With more rank, I am able to change more things. Time to study up! Frankly, I'm tired of a lot of bs, and I'm ready to start changing things around me.

Just like a cool drink on a hot summer day...

I need to get in the shoe business. When I figure out exactly where I want to be involved, I'm going to do it!! I love a pretty shoe.

These right here....I love patterned shoes. I don't even really like flowers, but I love them on shoes. The back of the shoe is what really got me. I love it.

I also love a shoe that has a heel/bottom that stands out. This plain shoe caught my attention by the detail on the heel.

Yummy!

A Sequel

So I'm a Tracy Brown fan. Whenever her books come out, I usually have them on pre-order. I want her books the first day they are available. LOL. I just finished The Aftermath: A Snapped Novel about twenty minutes ago, and I must say I feel some kind of way about it. The very first novel I read by Tracy Brown was White Lines. I have read that book at least four times. I remember reading the first time I was deployed in 2007. I received the book in the mail, and all I could think is "This book is 500 pages." Well inside of three days, I finished those 500 pages and I wanted more. After that, I read all of her books. Dime Piece, Black, Criminal Minded, and Twisted. I'm still working on reading her short story Flirt..but you get my drift. White Lines left such an impression that I wanted to read all of her books. 

So here I am at her latest two books...Snapped and the sequel The Aftermath. I must say that I am not all that impressed anymore. Truthfully, I could probably throw Trapped in the same category as her latest two books. I think she has excellent stories, but I just feel like there could be so much more. She has yet to match a book on the level as White Lines. I would say that Black and Criminal Minded are as close as you will ever get to the great story of White Lines. Every time I read one of her books, I'm longing for that feeling of wanting more and more of the story. With Aftermath...I was ready for the story to end.

Honestly, I mainly bought Aftermath because Snapped ended with a cliffhanger, and I just had to know Misa's story. I really don't know how to describe either book without giving away too much plot. I will say one of the things that disappointed me about Aftermath was that Born (one of the main characters in White Lines) was brought onto the scene...but the time line wasn't relevant. Born mentioned something about Jada, but if you look back to the dates referenced in the White Lines, Jada and Born weren't on speaking terms in the time frame of Aftermath. That really annoyed me for some reason. Born has been brought up in other novels, but I never saw a time line problem like this one.

A basic summary of Aftermath: It picks right up after the last page of Snapped. The whole book is basically about Misa's trial, Frankie and Camille's divorce, Frankie and Gillian's affair, and Tracy also gives us more background into the other characters. I can't say I recommend either book. I want my White Lines Tracy Brown back. 

Liberation in Confrontation

It is liberating to tell people how you feel about them. You ever have that one person that just makes you soooo angry, but you choose not to say what needs to be said to them? Notice how it takes hold of you. Every time you think of the situation, it makes you angry. You're holding on this situation while the other person is sleeping just fine and not even thinking about you.

There are a few people in my life who probably need to hear the things that I need to say, so I know first hand what it feels like to allow someone to hold on to your emotions. For most others, I don't have a problem letting my feelings flow. This is not to say that you should go around just tearing people down. I do think, however, that some people are fully aware of what they're doing to anger you. I think those type of people need to be confronted (in taste) so they can know where they stand in your life.

Often times people say that you shouldn't even waste your time on meaningless people. That works for some. I'm just not in the business of brushing off things that shouldn't be brushed off. I'm very good at acting like people don't exist, BUT sometimes I think some people need to know that you're perfectly aware of the kind of person that they are. When I find that a person who has done something to me can control my emotions even when I'm not even directly interacting with that person, it is about that time to have that little talk that I like to have. Confrontation is not always comfortable, but confrontation usually brings forth results. I'm not talking about the "let me scream at you" confrontations. I am talking about very direct, no bs confrontations that allow a person to know what they have done to offend you. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to when they're directly approached. Whether the person cares or not is a non-issue. The point of it all is to get this situation off your shoulders and out of you head, so that this person no longer controls you emotionally.

A lot of people say that I'm aggressive and that I like confrontation. I may be aggressive, but I actually don't like confrontation. I like respect and I like straight-up people. If I have to confront someone to get those desired results, I'm willing to do that. If I have to tell you what's on my mind (respectfully) even if it's uncomfortable, I'm willing to do that in order to be liberated from emotional turmoil. There is liberation in confrontation. You may even find during that conversation/confrontation that you have done something to offend the other person...;-)